Crusader Kings 2 AAR: Part 3

Alvydas having gone the way of all the earth, it’s now time for a new High Chief (Duke). The electors find that Alvydas’s oldest son Klukis is the man for the job. Apparently he’s a pretty good candidate, all things considered. Alvydas wanted to get a friend, but he never did. Klukis, meanwhile, already has several somehow. And he’s going to get more, because he’s got some good combat stats, both martial and personal. So we’re going to sign this bad boy up with the warrior order.

Being in a warrior order means fighting. And with good martial (16!), he can do what his father could not: expand his realm aggressively. And he needs to, too, as he starts out at age 39! While the claim on Marienburg hasn’t happened yet, something pagans can do is just declare war on someone to get a single border territory, for no reason. This is swell, so Klukis decides to immediately expand south, as it’s exploding for some reason.

Also, expanding his romantic options. A wife and three concubines not enough? How about some lovers! And, if the husband finds out (or if there is no husband), you can claim the bastards as part of your bloodline, even without officially legitimizing them. While being a dirty bird does carry some negative reputation penalties (especially with the cucked husband and your own wife), as a pagan it doesn’t do a whole lot.

Expanding bloodlines, expanding the realm, fighting in bed and on the field, all this comes naturally to Klukis. Instead of becoming more feeble with age, like most people, he instead gets stronger and stronger. He even gets that stupid territory from his dad’s old liege, that dad was never able to conquer. Expand north, expand south, expand pants, it’s all the same to Klukis.

Well, that’s going to make family diners awkward for sure. Well, must not matter too much, since he does this at least three times. But hey, when you can beat up your son quite easily, what is he going to do?

But then I notice something…interesting.

Now, when I started I had no plans for greatness. I wasn’t planning on rushing to any particular title or anything: I just wanted to see how big I could make a dynasty. I know how tricky managing a kingdom can be in this game. But…I can do it. And without gavelkind, things are a bit easier. But the trouble is, you need to have three ducal titles. I only have two. The obvious thing to do would be to take it from the guy to the north, but you have to have ten years of peace before attacking again, or be labeled a truce-breaker, which is one of the worst general opinion maluses in the game (the only one possibly worse being kin-slayer). So, looking for other dukedoms…hey, lookie there, one right to the left.

Badda bing badda boom, Klukis is now KING. At age of 61, he is king. He didn’t intend to be king, it just kinda happened. But 300 gold down the drain, and he’s king. The king of Slavonia. Doesn’t really have too great of a ring to it, but whatever. Still the king. Even if he’s called “the Blushing” because he gets flustered and angry too easily from banter.

Even from his kid he’s educating, as seen above. While educating a child can make them friends with you, it can also go horribly wrong, and they are your rival and hate you forever. Not too bad if it’s a daughter like here, especially a younger one, but it can be devastating if your rival is your heir, or strong vassal.

But Klukis’s exciting days are mostly behind him. Sure, he can still get into duels with other old men (and women), win a drinking contest (which gets him the new title of “Bottomless”), have his wife die of old age, his second wife die (of a hunting accident I guess), get a young new wife (has a hairlip, but is a princess of 17, so that evens out when you’re over 70), and try to make up with your son you cuckolded several times, but instead he becomes a bitter rival.

Yah, sure, add another territory while you’re at it, but nothing major. Also, get PTSD and deal with it through debauchery, like your father. To the south are two big, scary kingdoms of Serbia and Bulgaria. To the east are a bunch of allied horsemen. To the west are some allied Poles and Germans. To the north…well, there are options to the north. But they’re kinda boring.

But at 70+, you shouldn’t live such an exciting life. While he might have won one last duel, it was still his end. Just ending up a drunkard, after all that good life, gets you the same epitaph as some useless bum. But hey, we went from count to king in two generations. Not too shabby. And he had at least 13 kids as well, all of whom outlived their father, so what more could a parent ask?